November 22
As you will be acutely aware, Wednesday has come and gone with no news from Undercoverdad on the pressing matter of the season.
Just like England's national football team, I have nothing to offer.
Similar to the country's premier goalkeeper attempting to gather a speculative punt from distance, my contribution has been exposed as laughable.
In line with a midfielder failing to control the ball simply because it has been raining, but who will continue to be paid over £100,000 every week (including next summer, when he will now be on holiday), I am exposed.
We have been informed that the nativity casting decisions will be revealed via a letter at some forthcoming date.
This may or may not occur before the 25th of December which is generally accepted as the day on which our lord was safely delivered into this world - like a Croatian through-ball bypassing England's inept attempt at an offside trap that, for some reason, does not include the left back.

Tim, me colleague Andy who thoroughly enjoys your column, has a 6 yr old called Oliver. He has just found out today that Oliver has been picked to play Joseph. Thankfully he is not at Superkid's school.